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The dog looks up, and asks, “Do you think the agent was a fan of DiMaggio?”Smoking, drinking, and unmarried sex God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into heaven. The woman said she would try her best. God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on. “Not bad” said the woman, “I’ve given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my panties to one side and made love to me right then and there.” “They don’t like that in heaven,” God said. The woman replied, “They’re not too happy about it in Costco either!”1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn’t!2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.5. Don’t take. ‘Go ahead,’ she replied. ‘You know where it is.’ After Ben left the kitchen, she leaned against the kitchen counter to steady herself. This was crazy! She’d seen the bulge in his jeans and it excited her. He looked huge! She heard him start go up the stairs. She stood in the kitchen quite a while, waiting for the young man to return. ‘I wonder if something’s wrong?’ she thought after Ben had been gone for quite a while. ‘Maybe I better check.’ She set her soda on the counter and started up the stairs toward the bathroom, walking softly. She found the bathroom door closed, but heard soft murmuring sounds coming from behind the closed door. She leaned forward, placing her ear close to the door. ‘Oh!! Mrs. Dillon! Yes!!’ she heard Ben moaning softly. When she heard the moans and the impassioned tone of his voice, she immediately realized what the young man was doing. It was a realization that thrilled her. With a trembling hand, she reached down, tried the door, and found that it was.
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